Friday, February 11, 2011

Unspoken Rules For Your Gym

The Fitness centers of the world should not have to post rules, but then again, coffee needn't be branded with CAUTION signs either. Stupid people encompass a gross percentage of the worlds population. Lately, my third home as been my local gym. I have come to realize that many of its members are not aware of the unspoken rules. I'm writing today a small list of these unspoken rules, in an effort to enlighten the gym members who fall into the previously mentioned populous category.

1. Wear proper attire.
If I see one more guy working out in jeans and timberlands I'm going to punch him in the throat.

2. get off your cell phone.
Hey! stop texting and do your set. I've been waiting for the decline bench for over 6 minutes and you have spent the entire time working out your thumbs. that goes for you too Chatty Cathy. I don't care that you can talk and speed walk at the same time.

3. Do not give un solicited advice.
this has not happened to me personally because I know what I am doing, But I have seen it happen to others. You are a gym MEMBER, not an employee. so stop trying to be someones personal coach and mind your own business. if they want to hurt themselves that is their prerogative. that brings me to my next rule/question...

4. You need help.
What are you doing? where did you learn it? why? are those grunts of pain or of pleasure? stop molesting that palates ball. are you lifting that weight or trying to keep it from crushing you?  if your body was one muscle, you just pulled it. are you ok?

5. do not ASK for advice.
This one has happened to me, and it pissed me off.  I'm in the middle of a set and some one comes over and says something to the effect of: "I noticed your shoulders look real good, how did you get them shoulders?". My response: "uhhh, is this some kind of joke?" I don't know how to accurately describe how annoying this is. let me use a metaphor. You are sitting in a restaurant enjoying a nice steak when another patron walks up and sits down next to you. You have just taken a big bite of your steak and he says, "hey I noticed you are eating the steak, hows it taste?" IT TASTES LIKE A FUCKING STEAK!!!

6. put your equipment away.
Hey Superman! I noticed you left 6 45lb weights on the bar and you're putting your jacket on already. I'm not here to clean up after you. Neither is the 60 year old woman who might want to use the equipment after you. So do us all a favor and put your weights back where they belong. Think of it as another excuse to show off the biceps that you have worked so hard to maintain. It used to be that weight on a piece of equipment meant that it was in use. nowadays its a sign of a lazy jackass whose mother picked up after him his entire life.

7. don't leave the bathroom a mess.
there is nothing worse then wet socks. if you make the mess, clean it up. or die.

8. Turn down YOUR headphones.
are you hard of hearing? I can hear your Hoobistank clear across the gym.

9. Get out of my way
4 Guidos standing around one machine talking, texting while trying to "get their swell on". guess what this isn't? a club on west 6th.

10. stop hitting on her/him
once again. this is a gym. we have all, except you, come here to work out. so please stop being a complete creep and leave.

No comments:

Post a Comment